Guilt For My Work

So being gone for the weekend was great. No pull to get to the office. We were only gone one night, but I'm feeling slightly refreshed. No too much though, could use some warm weather.

We're still working on the giant house. It seems to not end. Its getting a little boring. The clients keep changing their minds on things and telling us just now "I hate stripes." That would've been nice to know, oh I don't know, 3 months ago! Its getting redundant, but I can't care. The more they change their minds, the more hours I get to bill. I am starting to feel a little guilty about the hours on this project though. This wasn't the way I imagined it to work. I thought I'd come in after final selections were made, and then knock out the estimate. But instead I'm going to client meetings, meetings with vendors, meetings with the designer. I still haven't been paid, I send out my invoice on the first of April. There will be the true test.

NLJ

Getting Old

"Hell, I've always been old Ben. Ya' know what though, I don't mind. I mean if my muscles ache, it's because I've used 'em. It's hard for me to walk up them steps now, 'cuz I walked up 'em every night to lay next to a man who loved me. I got a few wrinkles here and there, but I've layed under thousands of skies with sunny days. I look and feel this way, well, 'cuz I drank and I smoked. I lived and I loved, danced, sang, sweat and screwed my way through a pretty damn good life if you ask me. Getting old ain't bad Ben. Getting old, that's earned."

The Guardian

PS - Thanks Karen.

I Need a Nap

I gotta tell ya, I'm tired. I'm just wiped out. I hate to say that when I know my mom is really the one that's tired and working too much bringing babies into this world. I'm not working that hard or doing things that important, but I'm really tired. I feel like I haven't worked this hard, consistently, for so long. I am at work less hours, but I'm just drained when I get home. I'm wondering if its because I'm so amped, and getting so mentally into this, because it really is my butt on the line. I can't, CANNOT screw anything up. There's no one to fall back on, I want to do a good job even more than ever, and its hard to really be on everyday all day. Its interesting. I'm looking forward to getting away this weekend, and not having the pull to go to the office and do work. Please tell Mr. Blizzard that seems to be on his way here to just stay back for a few more days.

NLJ

Full Circle

So I made special attention not to work this past weekend. I know it doesn't sound that hard, but it really was. OK, I admit I checked my email, and sent a fax or two, but mostly, I did nothing. And guess what? The world didn't end! I can't believe it either. I had work to do, I opted to wait until Monday morning to do it, I got it done before my meeting, and we all survived. I was able to hang out with The Boy all weekend, and to laze around Sunday afternoon with The Dad and watch a movie (my new favorite, Jason Bourne). Balance. That's the name of the game.

Ran into another friend at IMS yesterday who said she just gave my name to someone, and she's just sure that they'll call me. Seems like a lot of people are getting my name out, and it sounds like people are talking about me, but the phone has yet to ring. I did get another job from one of my friends who is a designer. This one is a great story. She used to be my intern at my old job, and when she left us, she just went head on (like she always does), and started her own biz. Now that people, is guts. I couldn't be prouder. She's busy and now really busy, and I'm going to help her out for a change. Everything comes full circle.

I'm heading over to the 20,000 square footer later this morning....I don't even know what to expect. I've never seen anything like this before. Come back for a recap.

NLJ

Eating, Praying, Loving

I finished that book last weekend that I started. Yes, its Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. It really is a great book, and definitely got me thinking on a higher level, and wondering if these things are for me. She spent a third of the book in Italy learning the language and eating and drinking. The next third she spent in India meditating and praying with her Guru at an Ashram. The last third she was in Bali, trying to find the balance between her relationship with God and with still letting herself enjoy the fun in life. In Bali she fell in love, ate great food, drank wine, and continued her meditation and prayers.

So everyone said this book would change my life. I kept reading it, and reading it, and waiting for the big moment. I don't know that it changed my life, but it has left me more aware, and wanting to really reach that personal, inner happiness with myself. I even turned over a corner of a page that had words that hit me:

"...people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't, you will leak away your innate contentment. Its easy to pray when you're in distress but continuing to pray when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments."

I consider my self a very happy person both personally and professionally. But there are those issues, we all probably have, that we think about everyday. I hate to think about how much time I've spent worrying, thinking, working against these things, only to fall right back into the same patterns again. There's a reason I keep falling back, and I'm working on figuring it out.

The problem is that now I've started to read a new book, but I think I'll not finish it. Its called Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes. Its about living in New York, and being wealthy and getting you hair colored every thirteen days, and $325 jeans. The polar opposite of the other book, and I'm finding it to be sickening. Does anyone have another book to recommend to get me back on the right path?

NLJ

Big Wheels Keep On Rollin'

What a day! I thought this was supposed to be my day off. I had a meeting with my designer this morning and brought The Boy with because she wanted to meet him, and because I wanted to visit him around to some of the other showrooms. Well, major drama happened before we left, and you can read about that here, if you haven't already. Everything turned out fine and we was the star of the show, per usual.

While in the building I ran into a designer acquaintance of mine, and I call her that because I know I know her, but I CANNOT remember her name for my life, and she knows mine....dang. Anyway, told her what I was doing and she said she needs me. Ran into a furniture rep I know from the early days, who I always have a special place for because he's a sweet old grandpa type, and he just loves me. You know you can tell when someone loves you, yeah, he's just great. Anyway, I told him what I'm doing, he knows someone who needs me and he's going to call them. Then I got home and had an email to do an estimate for another designer friend of mine. Not to mention the big house is still a huge priority, I'm booked all weekend next week now, but I can squeeze in a little something here and there.

The moral of this story is, or really the point of the whole deal, is that things are starting to roll.

NLJ

Book 'Em Dano

I'm booked! I was booked all day yesterday, all day today, and all day next Monday. Sweet. I've been able to hit my goal of averaging 8 hours a week, so far I've blown it out of the water. But I know that when this project is done, its done, and we're back to begging and borrowing and stealing.

I met with the designer yesterday, for this big house project. It was the first time we met since she handed everything off to me. It was such a great meeting. She said she was floored by everything I had done, and how organized it was. Whew. She said it was above and beyond anything she thought. She said it was so nice to be able to be on vacation last week, and actually not think about work and relax. I am so happy that I was able to do that for her. Isn't that the point?

NLJ

The End Of Stomach Aches

I hope you're not like me, but do you ever have that ache in your stomach on Sunday evenings that only comes because you have to go to work on Monday? Seems like every Sunday I deal with this ache, this tinge in the pit of my stomach, but now I remember that I don't have to go into the office tomorrow. What a revelation. And it is a revelation, a shock every time I remember that I started this crazy thing, and I am in charge of it, and I eat what I kill. Then I get this huge rush of relief and I smile. So I think that means I am doing the right thing.

I should clarify that it wasn't that I didn't like my previous job, because I did. But there's something about having to drive the 20 miles into work, then having to be there all day whether I was busy or not, and having to stay there all day. That's the part that really got me. And I'm not trying to be lazy or a slacker, but for example, I don't have that much to do today, (because I worked all weekend - see, I told you I'm not lazy), so I rolled into the office at 9am. No one's mad, no one's disappointed, and I didn't miss anything. Plus, since we lost that hour in the time change yesterday, my body really thinks its 8am. See, I told you I'm not lazy.

NLJ

Made My Day

I've had my head buried in pricing all day. I now have a headache. So, I thought I'd talk to you since I need a break. I'm on that thing the kids call Facebook. I was nervous about joining it, but my cute cousin made me. He put pictures of The Boy on there, so I had to sign up to see them. Anyway, two of my old buds from high school contacted me today. Which is weird for me since I'm not in touch with any one from high school. Don't ask. Anyway, that was my little spot of sunshine for the day. Talking to two of my dear friends from way back when.

NLJ

I (Heart) New York

Well, that was interesting. I had a lunch meeting with that other designer that called last week. The one referred to me from "Tim." (In the mean time, I've discovered his identity, and thanked him profusely.) This designer though, is a designer, a weaver, a glass blower, a set designer, a ceramic artist, a therapist...the list goes on and on. She's done everything from helping with the set design of the CBS Morning Show, to children's high end play houses. Here's the kind of person she is, she was really excited to work with me because I'm an Aries. Now there's part of me that really thinks that's cool. I'm not a freak about it, but I'm a girl that reads her horoscope. I don't really follow it, but if it says something exciting might happen that day, I'll keep an eye out.

She's one of those people that are uber creative, and that have a million ideas floating around in there head. It was more a meeting of the minds, than her hiring me to do anything in particular. She's worked with some of the most famous designers there are, so that gives her amazing credibility along with the Parsons schooling. Right now she's into helping start up businesses, like showrooms or furniture stores. Neither of us were completely sure on what we could do for each other, but we're going to work on it. I think she'll come up with something. She really cracked me up. I haven't met anyone like her before. I told her I've been to LA, San Fran, and Chicago's design centers, but alas never to New York, but, I said, I'll get there. She said, "I'll getchya there." So, hey, I'm going to New York.

NLJ

I Need a Bigger Bag

I'm dying and drowning in a huge pile of work. Please, please don't let the phone ring today. I'm too busy and if someone calls I have to turn them down. I know. I'm serious. I met with my designer on Saturday afternoon, and she sent me home with a huge BIN of work, and three floors of the home that need to be drafted. I brought a cute little messenger bag that I thought would be fabulous to hold the files I'd be taking home from her office. We both laughed in my face. The thing is, this is about half of the house. There's still the other half we didn't even touch on, but will be tackling that in about two weeks. I couldn't be more excited.


The meeting went great, and it was fun to be back in the mix. She was bouncing ideas off me and asking if I had any ideas for some things. It feels good to be useful again. Not to mention, I made as much money in that afternoon meeting, that I would have made in a whole days work at my former job. Now that, that my friend, is something.

NLJ